|Another day, another chance for tomorrow
||[Mar. 14th, 2004|09:23 pm]
::heavy sigh:: Today has been... difficult. At best. I fear my old friend Magneto may be up to something, and no matter how many times I've reached out to him, he refuses. I have to believe he can be saved. Believing something is far easier said than done, but nothing worthwhile in this world comes without a fight. I only hope we can get to him before someone gets hurt.
As always, my first and foremost concern is for the students of the Institute, and they seem to be the ones I let down first, too. I know they would never admit it to my face, but I don't need to be told something to know it. There is resentment toward me among them, and it is not without justification. I took them away from their friends, their families, the only lives they'd ever known, and brought them here to live as outcasts, shunned by society and a potential danger to themselves and others. They didn't choose to be different. They didn't chose to be the soldiers and generals of this battle of humanity against itself.
Right now, I'm most concerned about Jean and Rogue. Jean is... involved... with a boy at the high school named Duncan, and although it's good to see her connecting with non-mutants, to me, this relationship does not seem like a healthy one. Jean has been with me for so long; I wouldn't say she's like a daughter to me, but close. A niece, perhaps. At any rate, she knows there is something lacking with Duncan and it's causing her pain. Those relationships must be wrought with trust, respect, friendship, and understanding before they can deepen into love, and I do not see that happening now.
And Rogue... she is a blessing disguised as a curse. Her power isolates her from the rest of the world, and too many are afraid to touch her, in more ways than just in the physical sense. She's been having dreams lately, dreams that keep her up and haunt her long after they've ended. They would not be recurring if they didn't mean something, but I'm at a loss to explain it. I hate disappointing her like this. I'm the one who's supposed to have answers, damn it! That's what I'm supposed to be to them: someone for them to believe in and guide them, someone of strength they can come to when all the world is collapsing around them. What if they lose faith in me? I would rather die then fail them: my family, my children, my life. No price to me is too great for them.
::sigh:: I wish...
Someone's coming. It's... Storm. It's Storm. I have to go. I cannot let her see me like this.